Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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