piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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