ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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