Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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