It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
