Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
