No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sex in a hospital.. check
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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