I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
