i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
