you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
