Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Randomize
