where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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