We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
