Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
