just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
