dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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