Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
3pm strippers are depressing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
