I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
