Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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