Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
