She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
