D3 body, D1 cock
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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