I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
