i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
