thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
