We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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