No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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