K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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