If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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