ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
