I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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