can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
