Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
