Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
