I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize