i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize