i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
