Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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