Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
