Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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