The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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