If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
