Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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