Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My penis needs a shock collar
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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