DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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