Just cropdusted the office
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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