I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
