i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
