I can tuck mytits in my pants
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
