Can Purell be used as lube?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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