i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize