I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
