we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
