Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
