I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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