The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
