She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
