Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
