12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
