Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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