I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
