i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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