I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
