You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
