Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You need a sexual gate keeper
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
