The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
