HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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