the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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