i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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