worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
love makes seman taste better
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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